Episode 8 · Duration: 21:10

About this episode

She was a Wall Street trader running on 64 ounces of diet cola before she even reached her desk.

For nearly two decades, caffeine wasn't a habit — it was a career strategy. The trading room demanded it. The MBA nights demanded it. The pregnancies, the babies, the mergers, the divorce — all of it powered by an ever-present can of diet cola. Being caffeinated was a badge of honor. She wore it proudly, covered the caffeine hives with makeup, and started the cycle again every morning.

Two premature births. One baby who didn't survive. Cyst-filled breasts so painful she couldn't sleep on her stomach. A marriage dissolving while she stayed awake all night rather than get into bed next to a man she no longer recognized. And still — she reached for the soda.

Then the flu hit. For three days she couldn't keep anything down — not even diet cola. What followed were ten of the most brutal, transformative days of her life. The headaches. The tremors. The confusion. And then, slowly — dreams she hadn't had in years. Skin clearing. Silence replacing the constant hum of anxiety.

Ten days between hell and Eden.

What You'll Hear in This Episode

• The high-pressure Wall Street culture that treated caffeine as a job requirement
• How she juggled trading floors, MBA classes, babies, and a breaking marriage — all fueled by diet cola
• The moment a flu forced an accidental detox she never could have chosen on her own
• The ten brutal days of withdrawal — headaches, hand tremors, confusion, and lethargy
• What emerged on the other side: dreams, clear skin, calm, and a life she finally recognized as her own

Key Takeaways

• Caffeine addiction doesn't always look like addiction — it can look like ambition, productivity, and success
• Long-term overconsumption has real physical consequences: cysts, skin issues, sleep deprivation, and pregnancy complications
• Withdrawal is real, intense, and time-limited — ten days can change everything
• Sometimes the body forces the reset the mind refuses to make
• Freedom from caffeine isn't about losing energy — it's about reclaiming it on your own terms

Who Should Listen

This episode is for you if you've ever used caffeine just to keep your life from falling apart. If you're a high performer running on fumes, a parent pushing through exhaustion, or someone who suspects their "harmless habit" is doing more damage than they're willing to admit — this confession will hit home. It's also essential listening for anyone curious about what caffeine withdrawal actually feels like from the inside.

🌐 Visit us at https://linktr.ee/UnwiredLife

📖 Confessions of a Caffeine Addict book

📩 Share your own caffeine confession: https://linktr.ee/UnwiredLife

🛒 Live Unwired Merch: LiveUnwired.org

Transcript

He loved hanging out with my kids and pets. I continued to be my caffeinated self and he never asked me to change. One of his first gifts to me was a bar of caffeinated soap that he saw in a gift shop. I was hooked on him after that. We were good for each other because he calmed me down and I revved him up. Suddenly one afternoon, my body was wracked in pain. I was feverish and could not keep anything down, not even diet cola. In a matter of hours, I was bedridden with the worst flu I have ever had in my life. For the next 3 days, I slept and sipped ginger ale and ate crackers. I had no diet cola in the house. I meant to pick some up but had been too ill to do so. My illness was compounded by tremendous headaches, hand tremors, and lethargy. Listen, we all talk about the grind, but most of you are subsidizing your hustle with a chemical loan you can't pay back. In this new series, Unwired, we aren't just talking theory. We're going into the dirt with 40 anonymous stories of people who thought they were using caffeine to be superheroes, only to realize it was the very thing dismantling their health and their marriages. This is the case study of the hidden tax on your ambition. Hey, welcome back to Live Unwired, the podcast where real people tell the stories they were too wired, too busy, or too deep in denial to tell anyone else. I'm Al Kushner, your host, and before we get into today's confession, I need to ask you something. How many cups have you had today? Not judging. I've been there. We've all been there. But I want you to hold that number in your head while while you listen to this story, because today's confession is one of those that gets under your skin and stays there. This is the story of a woman who had it all figured out. Wall Street trading room, MBA nights, corner office ambitions, 3 kids, a mortgage, a husband, a life that looked like success from every angle. And underneath all of it, a 64-ounce cup of diet cola she finished before she even walked through the door each morning. She didn't think she had a problem. How could she? The whole floor was doing it. Her bosses were doing it. The programmers, the stockbrokers, the traders. Caffeine wasn't a vice in that world. It was a credential. But here's what nobody tells you about building your life on a stimulant. Eventually, the bill comes due. For her, it came in the form of a lost baby, painful cysts, skin that broke out no matter how much she covered it. A marriage that quietly fell apart while she stayed up all night just to avoid getting into bed with her own husband. And still she reached for the can. It wasn't until the flu knocked her flat, completely flat for 3 days, that caffeine finally left her body. Not by choice, not by willpower, by force. What came next were 10 days she describes as living somewhere between hell and Eden. And honestly, after you hear what she went through, you'll understand exactly what she means. This story is raw, it's real, and it might be the one that finally makes you put the cup down. Let's get into it. 10 Days Between Hell and Eden. 18 years ago, I was promoted to the trading room of an investment brokerage firm. If you have seen the movie Wall Street, you can picture the crowded trading desk of a typical brokerage firm with buzzing computers and phones ringing nonstop. It is even noisier and more hectic in real life. There were only 3 other women besides me in this bastion of men. I was young, eager to prove myself, and I needed to be on from before the 7 AM pre-opening meeting right through until the 4 PM closing bell when I could finally get up and stretch. In between these times, I was pumped. I had to be. When you are a trader, you do not leave your desk. You learn to pee in record time, running full speed, in my case in high heels, to the restroom. Lunches and drinks are brought by a delivery service and paid for by the company. Every fiber of your being is focused on your computers and phones. You are a money machine, and you get paid accordingly, chasing the carrot called a bonus, which could multiply your salary exponentially. So, how did I keep focus on the task at hand? The answer is caffeine. On my way to work, when I gassed up my car, I refueled myself on a giant 64-ounce cup of Diet Cola for 99 cents, which I finished on the commute. At work, I dipped into the refrigerator under my desk at least 12 times per day for my ever-present can of Diet Cola. I ruined 3 keyboards in one week as I knocked over my nectar of the gods. My heart raced, my personality was hyper and intense, my temper flared at the slightest provocation, and I was over-caffeinated. I drank my cold coffee with bubbles alongside others with hot cups of steaming coffee perched at their lips. To further our rush, we feasted on bowls of chocolates. Which we often ate for breakfast. I went to school 2 nights per week to get my MBA in finance. In my undergraduate studies, I majored in English. What did I know about finance? I wanted those coveted letters after my name. After working all day, I went to the university and endured 3-hour classes until 9 PM, along with a pile of group work every weekend. I hit the vending machine when I got to class and almost at every break. Replenishing my rocket fuel. At night, I rarely slept more than a few hours. I awoke with skull-crushing headaches, easily cured by cracking open a can of cola—I usually kept one at my bedside—followed by an Excedrin chaser. I kept a journal by my bed to jot down middle-of-the-night inspirations, which often resulted in sales memos. I read prospectuses and industry literature for something to do with my extra energy. When I ran out of that stuff, I did homework for school. I planned my day and was always over-prepared for the regular morning meeting. When I had company in bed, orgasms eluded me as I could never let myself go completely. Each morning I covered the caffeine hives on my face with makeup and began the cycle again. I got married. I got pregnant. I cut back slightly on my diet cola but couldn't cut out. 2 of my 3 children were premature. One of my preemies did not survive. I had a new activity to occupy my night, getting up with 2 babies who were 20 months apart, and caffeine continued to be a mainstay of my diet. To regain my pre-baby figure, I often replaced food with diet cola. As I juggled visits to toddler gym, storytime, and playdates, caffeine kept me fueled and ready for action. I could not sleep on my stomach because my cyst-filled breasts were too painful. "Do you drink a lot of caffeine?" my doctor always asked me when I went for my annual exam. I always wondered how he knew. Weren't breasts supposed to be rock hard? After 7 years at a trading desk, I got bumped upstairs to a management role. For the next 2 years, I flourished and was happier than I ever was in the trading room. Then, one day, the edict came. A major conglomerate was acquiring our firm, and I was supposed to run the merger that would put myself out of a job. I had to grit my teeth, smile, and pretend I was just delighted that these invaders were taking over the firm that had been my home since I graduated from college. I cracked open a can of diet cola and began to work 15-hour days for 3 months until the merger was finished. I worked at home, I worked at the office, and I worked in the evenings, always accompanied by my loyal friend, Diet Cola. Then I became unemployed, something that I had not experienced since I was a teenager. I panicked because of the mortgage, car payments, and other bills that make a household run. My husband was on disability and was home with the children, so I had to work. We would lose everything if I didn't work. I had a severance package, but realized that would not last long. Now I had to buy my own diet soda. The company was no longer furnishing it for me. I decided that I would take time off from the investment industry. I could do that for 2 years before my license would lapse. I'd never worked at anything else in my adult career. I wanted to check out the emerging high-tech world of the new millennium. I took 2 weeks off to be home with my husband and kids, discovered that I was not meant to invade his daytime domain, and went to work in the tech industry. I was delighted to see the subsidized soda machine and free coffee on day one. I was in a sales position with a group of really smart people whose world I knew nothing about. I could not understand half of what they were saying. They weren't people people. But were cerebral people, glued to their screens. They drank more coffee than the traders ever did, sometimes staying up all night because they were so engrossed in some program that they were writing. Everyone wanted to be the next Bill Gates. One guy boasted about the calcium deposits he had under his skin from overuse of caffeine. Another demonstrated how much his hands shook. Here too, being caffeinated was a badge of honor. The company shut down just a few months later. Through contacts I met while I was there, I was snatched up a few weeks later by a more established tech company. This company had an even stronger culture of coffee and colas. These programmers built custom programs for state and local governments on tight deadlines. For added pleasure, energy drinks containing multiple times the caffeine of coffee or soda were thrown back like shots at happy hour. I learned after— Quick pause for a second. If you're hearing yourself in this book, I built two things to go deeper than this audiobook can. First, there's Unwired, a caffeine cessation app where you can track your own withdrawal timeline, sleep, mood, and crashes day by day. And inside Unwired, you can work one-on-one with a coach who actually understands caffeine addiction and we'll walk you through a real plan instead of you guessing alone. The waitlist link is at the very top of the description. Second, there's the Unwired podcast built around 40 real caffeine case studies. Students, parents, founders, night shift workers walking through the same crashes you're hearing about right now. The link is right next to the app. If you want more than information, if you actually want a plan, a coach, and stories that feel like yours, Hit those links, then come right back. After a few months that the owner was interested in selling the company and wanted my expertise in sales, networking, and mergers to assist with that task, I spent many caffeine-fueled hours on my own setting things up, only now with a new penchant for energy drinks. My usual glass of Chardonnay was replaced with a vodka and energy drink cocktail. A souvenir of my tech career. After this, I went back to what I knew, the investment industry, and became a stockbroker. Some of my best clients were people I knew from the tech industry. This happened during a recession, and it was hard to find clients, but I managed to eke out a meager living doing commission-only work. My husband did not understand the sudden change in our income. Our marriage was unraveling, and I spent increasingly more time away from him, taking the kids with me on all-day weekend outings and doing all I could to avoid being near him. He was nasty and cruel, and I sought comfort with my soda. Caffeine kept me from having to get into bed next to my new enemy, and instead I stayed up to read and watch TV. We separated, and my incessant networking at coffee shops landed me an investment management job at another firm the following year. This time with a salary and bonus structure. Back in my comfort zone, I was better able to support my kids and myself and pay for the attorney for my divorce proceedings. Fueled on energy drinks, diet cola, and coffee, I was wired during the depositions, ready to jump at my attacker. I nearly leapt over the table in court at him as he told bare-faced lies. However, I took my attorney team's advice and maintained a placid expression despite biting my cheeks until they bled. He was abusive and the judge saw right through it. Ultimately, I got the house, the kids, and the child support. Even when he begged me to return to him, I never looked back. I dated a series of men, each one more narcissistic and wired than the next, meeting all of them through the local business community. Then I met the one, my direct opposite. He was a co-founder of a computer company and was like no one I had ever met before. He was mellow and had been to over 300 Grateful Dead shows, which I thought was a cool accomplishment. He maintained a healthy diet and did not consume caffeine. He liked music, skiing, bike riding, snowshoeing, nature walks, and golf. And introduced me to these things as well. He liked going out to dinner and talking about subjects that mattered, even though he was quiet by nature. He loved hanging out with my kids and pets. I continued to be my caffeinated self and he never asked me to change. One of his first gifts to me was a bar of caffeinated soap that he saw in a gift shop. I was hooked on him after that. We were good for each other because he calmed me down and I revved him up. Suddenly one afternoon, my body was wracked in pain. I was feverish and could not keep anything down, not even diet cola. In a matter of hours, I was bedridden with the worst flu I have ever had in my life. For the next 3 days, I slept and sipped ginger ale and ate crackers. I had no diet cola in the house. I meant to pick some up but had been too ill to do so. My illness was compounded by tremendous headaches, hand tremors, and lethargy. I felt confused and anxious. When I came out on the other side of the flu, I realized that I had gone without caffeine for a few days. As the days stretched into a week, I found that I was extremely exhausted and was not able to stay awake past 8 PM. When I slept, I had dreams, something that had not happened in years. The headache slowly abated, and my skin was starting to clear from its ever-present redness. I was extremely thirsty and consumed large amounts of water and sodium-free seltzer. I couldn't seem to quench my thirst. Once a week had passed, I decided I would try to give up caffeine since the worst part of the withdrawal appeared to be over. I needed a substitute for my oral fixation and found solace with ice water and seltzer. I was tempted to fall back into my Diet Cola ways as my body craved it, but I stuck to my guns. I realize now that I was giving up two foreign substances: caffeine and NutraSweet. My withdrawal symptoms spoke loud and clear. It took a total of about 10 days before I felt completely normal with no headaches, anxiety, cravings, or irritability. If you can get past the first few days, the rest is easy. One thing I discovered immediately is that water, whether still or sparkling, is widely accessible. It's available at parties, coffee shops, people's homes, restaurants, bars, hotels, and anywhere else one might venture. It is even found in vending machines. Nobody has ever made a negative comment about my sparkling water with lime drink order or complained when they see me sipping bottled water at my desk. Now, a year later, I have flawless skin, have lost weight, and drink 8 glasses of water per day, just as medical wisdom has dictated for years. I am calmer, less irritable, sleep well at night, even on my stomach, and am full of energy. A morning walk around the block wakes me up just as much as caffeine once did. I'm still a high performer at work, motivated by challenge rather than artificial stimulants. People often comment on how youthful I look, thinking I am much younger than 43. Best of all, my sex life is better than ever. O does not just stand for Oprah. I'm still with the one. It's been over 5 years now. He loves the new and improved me. He says that I am more fun, sexier, and less intense than when he first met me. We recently flew across the country, and he said that in the past he would worry that I would nervously chatter nonstop on the flight. Instead, I read a book, slept, and chatted calmly and pleasantly. He booked another trip for us next month, this time to Las Vegas. It may sound trite, but if I could kick caffeine, anyone can. In 10 days, I felt better than ever. Since kicking caffeine, I have also gone cold turkey on alcohol and gluten. I feel healthier, happier, and smarter than ever before, and ready to face whatever life sends my way. 10 days. That's all it took. 10 days of hell to get to Eden. Think about that for a second. This woman spent nearly 2 decades building her life around a substance she never once questioned. 2 decades of hives covered with makeup, of skull-crushing headaches cured with the very thing causing them, of lying awake at night not because she couldn't sleep, but because she didn't want to face what her life had become without something in her hand to hold on to. And it took a flu. Not a doctor's warning, not a divorce, not a baby she lost. A flu. That's the part that stays with me. How many of us are waiting for something to force our hand? How many of us have had the warning signs, the headaches, the anxiety, the mood swings, the restless nights, and just reached for another cup. I'm not here to tell you what to do. That's not what Live Unwired is about. But I will tell you this: if her story sounds even a little familiar, pay attention to that feeling. Don't dismiss it. Don't rationalize it. Just sit with it. Because on the other side of those 10 days, she dreamed again. Her skin cleared. She felt things she had numbed out for years. She found love, real, calm, steady love, and she found herself. That's what freedom from caffeine can look like. Not weakness, not deprivation. Freedom. If this confession hit home for you, share it. Send it to the person in your life who needs to hear it. Leave us a review. It helps more people find these stories. And if you have your own confession to share, we want to hear it. Your story matters. It might be the one that changes someone else's life. Until next time, stay free, stay unwired, and remember, the most powerful thing you can do is wake up on your own terms. If you made it this far into The Truth About Caffeine, you already know this isn't just about coffee. It's about your nervous system, your sleep, your anxiety, and your life. If you don't want to do this alone, that's why I built Unwired. Inside the Unwired app, you can log your last caffeine use, track withdrawals, sleep, mood, and energy over days and weeks. See your own nervous system reset instead of hoping it's working, and get matched with a coach for one-on-one training so you're not white-knuckling this by yourself. Alongside that, the Unwired podcast walks through 40 real caffeine case studies. People who went from just coffee to energy drinks and pills and then back out. You'll hear their mistakes, relapses, and what actually worked. Both links are at the top of the description. Join the Unwired app waitlist for coaching and tracking. Listen to the Unwired podcast. Save this audiobook, send it to one person who needs it, and if you're stuck in that daily 2 PM crash, come do this with us inside Unwired, not just in your head.