Episode 4 · Duration: 14:21

About this episode

She started with soda at age 4. By 28, her organs were shutting down. In this episode of Live Unwired, a survivor opens up about how caffeine became the thread running through decades of drug addiction, bulimia, homelessness, and five suicide attempts — and why she finally stopped paying the price. If you've ever used caffeine just to function, this one will hit hard.

Transcript

I was so sick and tired and had such low energy that I became desperate and started slamming down energy drinks, which just exacerbated my condition and caused me to suffer from more anxiety and worse sleep. Then my system had literally given up. I suffered a multi-system collapse of most of my organ systems. I had a surgery that profoundly affected my already damaged gut. I started going into anaphylactic shock from almost anything I ate. And my weight has withered down to 98 pounds. It got to the point where I could only eat organic vegetables because if I were exposed to any pesticides, preservatives, or fumes, I would immediately go into anaphylaxis. My throat would swell shut. I would lose sensation in my hands and feet. I would get a shooting pain in the back of my neck, and I would go into a suicidal depression. I now have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, non-diabetic neuropathy, Lyme disease, arthritis, liver disease, and inflammatory bowel disease. I'm 28 years old, and because of my history of addiction to drugs, I have literally destroyed my body. My addiction to drugs also led me to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Listen, we all talk about the grind, but most of you are subsidizing your hustle with a chemical loan you can't pay back. In this new series, Unwired, we aren't just talking theory. We're going into the dirt with 40 anonymous stories of people who thought they were using caffeine to be superheroes, only to realize it was the very thing dismantling their health and their marriages. This is the case study of the hidden tax on your ambition. You're about to hear a story about what really happens when just coffee and just a little boost, because become a full-blown way of life. From slamming sodas as a kid to heroin and diet pills to using coffee just to go to the bathroom, this chapter is about what it means to truly pay the price for a culture of quick fixes. If you're hearing yourself in these stories and you don't want to do this alone, check out the Unwired app and the Unwired podcast in the description, built to help you track withdrawal, rebuild your nervous system, and actually get off the loop. And if you want a daily reminder of the life you're choosing, hit our Shopify store for Caffeine Cessation swag—mugs, shirts, and gear that say you're done letting a drink control you. If you've ever used caffeine, sugar, or pills to push through one more day, listen closely and ask yourself where that bargain is leading you. This is Chapter 4: Paying the Price. Paying the Price. Many people overlook the damaging effects of caffeine addiction, but I do not. My propensity toward addiction started long before I started drinking coffee. As a small child, I subconsciously gravitated to anything that induced pleasure, which made me a perfect candidate to use and abuse anything with stimulants. As a child, while other kids would sip on apple juice and milk, I would slam down multiple cans of soda. Some days I would chug up to a 6-pack a day, loving that wired feeling that I got from that quick rush of soda and caffeine. I couldn't help myself, and the better I felt, the more I drank. My mother would sometimes complain about how much I drank, but I didn't care. If I felt bad, I used soda to feel better. If I felt good, I wanted soda to feel even better. Along with my heavy soda drinking, my diet consisted mostly of sugar cereals and a lot of junk food. Little did I know that this cycle would propel me into a mountain of health problems. At the time, I didn't think about it because I just wanted to feel good. Chocolate also became habit-forming for me because my mom always bought a lot of it. Combined with the soda, my caffeine intake soared. I started to feel depressed, anxious, angry, rebellious, and paranoid. And I actually tried to kill myself at age 13 by swallowing a bunch of over-the-counter pain medication. My mood swings became more severe and more frequent, and to counteract this, I would consume more caffeine and eventually drugs. I started drinking coffee on a regular basis when I was in rehab the first time. I abused a lot of drugs growing up, particularly heroin and cocaine. As a result, I ended up in treatment centers 24 separate times. Every time I went into rehab, I went through a nasty heroin withdrawal, and coffee became a lot more appealing. Also struggled with bulimia for over 10 years, and it became highly unmanageable in rehab. When I was in treatment, I ate massive amounts of sugar products, especially chocolate, which I now know gave me that rush from sugar and caffeine. After consuming so many stimulants, I would suffer from severe depression and attempted suicide 5 different times. I also suffered from chronic fatigue, irritable bowel syndrome, and constipation because of drugs, laxatives, and sugar intake. I started to realize that caffeine would alleviate my constipation, but I now know it was a temporary fix to a long ongoing problem. One day I decided to quit drugs. Then I became obsessed with my appearance and food. I started bingeing and purging daily, over-exercising and also popping diet pills. I didn't realize that these pills contained caffeine and I liked the quick rush that they gave me, but I ended up withering down to 90 lbs. I was more focused on my appearance than my health. I didn't even take into consideration how deadly the effects these diet pills were having on my system. My entire life has been centered in society's view of a quick fix. There are so many advertisements nowadays conveying the message, "You have a problem, take a pill." That's what I did. I had a problem, I would pop a laxative or take an antibiotic or take a diet pill, which I know now is loaded with caffeine, or drink some coffee. It was always short-term, and inexplicably, the very things I was taking to help me with depression, fatigue, and constipation were the things that were causing these disorders in the first place. It was a vicious cycle. My body became dependent on all these things, especially caffeine. I lost everything due to my drug use and became a homeless bum on the streets of Baltimore. I went in and out of treatment and suffered from frequent chronic infections. I ended up back in the hospital again, and from then on, I got on methadone and acquired a little apartment right outside of Baltimore. My caffeine habit became completely unmanageable when I was on methadone. I became very attracted to caffeine because it helped me instantaneously with constipation. However, it did in turn make my gastrointestinal problems worse. I started getting bad heartburn, nausea, cramping, and terrible headaches. At this point, I told myself that this is the way it has to be and I just have to endure it. My body became so dependent on caffeine, I could not have a bowel movement unless I drank 2 cups of coffee, which perpetuated the cycle because the more I drank, the more my tolerance increased and the more I had to drink. Additionally, the me— Quick pause for a second. If you're hearing yourself in this book, I built two things to go deeper than this audiobook can. First, there's Unwired, a caffeine cessation app where you can track your own withdrawal timeline, sleep, mood, and crashes day by day. And inside Unwired, you can work one-on-one with a coach who actually understands caffeine addiction and will walk you through a real plan instead of you guessing alone. The waitlist link is at the very top of the description. Second, there's the Unwired podcast built around 40 real caffeine case studies. Students, parents, founders, night shift workers walking through the same crashes you're hearing about right now. The link is right next to the app. If you want more than information, if you actually want a plan, a coach, and stories that feel like yours, hit those links. Then come right back. Methadone made me so sleepy that I had to drink a pot of coffee every day just to keep my eyes open. I had a horrible sleeping pattern because of all the years of chemical medicine, food abuse, and it had been about 15 years since I had had a stable, regulated 8-hour sleep cycle. My doctor recently told me that this is partly due to adrenal burnout, a side effect of caffeine. The worse my sleeping was, the more coffee I needed, and the worse my sleep became. I was so addicted to coffee and so tired from lack of sleep that one day at work, I literally started crawling across my workroom floor to scour for change because I could not work unless I had coffee. I went around begging people for change just to get my fix. I would always try to convince myself that tomorrow would be different and tomorrow I would quit, but tomorrow never came. Every day I kept rationalizing myself right back into that coffee cup. Convincing myself why I needed to drink another cup for just one more day. When I came off methadone 3 years ago, I started slugging down more cups of coffee because my energy level had severely depleted. I realize now that I was suffering from a condition called fibromyalgia, which caused severe low energy, sluggish bowels, widespread joint pain, and depression. My body was malfunctioning in every area, and drinking coffee just gave me that instant short-term Band-Aid fix. For a problem that had been persisting for over 10 years. I was ill all of the time with bronchitis and multiple other infections. I had contracted hepatitis A, B, and C, and the laxatives and bulimia had literally destroyed the entire lining of my gastrointestinal system. I continued to use caffeine, and about a year ago, every time I drank a cup of coffee, I would get a shooting pain in the back of my neck. I was so exhausted from my malfunctioning immune system, chronic fatigue, constipation, and adrenal burnout that I kept slamming down coffee. I needed coffee to function. However, because of drinking coffee, I couldn't go to sleep till the wee hours of the morning. I continued to get horrible sleep, which took a toll on my immune system, and as a result, I kept getting sick, which took an even bigger toll on my health. I was so sick and tired and had such low energy that I became desperate and started slamming down energy drinks, which just exacerbated my condition and caused me to suffer from more anxiety and worse sleep. Then my system had literally given up. I suffered a multi-system collapse of most of my organ systems. I had a surgery that profoundly affected my already damaged gut. I started going into anaphylactic shock from almost anything I ate, and my weight has withered down to 98 pounds. It got to the point where I could only eat organic vegetables because if I were exposed to any pesticides, preservatives, or fumes, I would immediately go into anaphylaxis. My throat would swell shut. I would lose sensation in my hands and feet. I would get a shooting pain in the back of my neck, and I would go into a suicidal depression. I now have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, non-diabetic neuropathy, Lyme disease, arthritis, liver disease, and inflammatory bowel disease. I'm 28 years old, and because of my history of addiction to drugs, I have literally destroyed My body. My addiction to drugs also led me to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I realize now that I used to use caffeine as another substitute to distract me from all my other issues and experiences that I did not want to look at. The more coffee I drank, the more up I got, which made my mind race so I didn't have to think about everything that I've experienced. That's what it was for me, and that's what I chased as a distraction. On a positive note, it has been 5 years since I've used street drugs, 3 years since I've been on methadone, 3 years since I binged and purged, 2 years since I've smoked a cigarette, and 8 months since I've consumed caffeine. Currently, I focus more on the long-run solution and not just a quick fix. Today, I eat organic and only drink caffeine-free beverages. There are times when I see people sipping on that hot cup of coffee, which looks appealing, but then I remember how I used to feel afterwards. And I don't want to pay that price anymore. You just heard what it looks like when caffeine stops being a harmless habit and becomes one more layer in a lifetime of chasing quick fixes and running from pain. From childhood soda binges to street drugs, rehab, diet pills, methadone, and finally a multi-system health collapse at 28. This story is a reminder that every little boost sends a bill eventually. If this hit a little too close to home, don't just white-knuckle the guilt and move on. The Unwired app is there to help you log your last caffeine use, track withdrawals, sleep, mood, and energy, and get coaching so you're not doing this in your head and on your own. The Unwired podcast goes even deeper with real case studies like this one so you can hear what relapse, recovery, and real change actually look like. And when you're ready to wear your decision, use the merch store link in the description to grab caffeine cessation swag—shirts, mugs, and reminders that you're choosing a nervous system that isn't wired 24/7. Save this episode, share it with one person who needs to hear it, and keep walking with us as you learn how to stop paying the price for caffeine and quick fixes. If you made it this far into "The Truth About Caffeine," You already know this isn't just about coffee. It's about your nervous system, your sleep, your anxiety, and your life. If you don't want to do this alone, that's why I built Unwired. Inside the Unwired app, you can log your last caffeine use, track withdrawals, sleep, mood, and energy over days and weeks. See your own nervous system reset instead of hoping it's working and get matched with a coach for one-on-one training so you're not white-knuckling this by yourself. Alongside that, the Unwired podcast walks through 40 real caffeine case studies, people who went from just coffee to energy drinks and pills and then back out. You'll hear their mistakes, relapses, and what actually worked. Both links are at the top of the description. Join the Unwired app waitlist for coaching and tracking. Listen to the Unwired podcast. Save this audiobook, send it to one person who needs it, and if you're stuck in that daily 2:00 PM crash, come do this with us inside Unwired, not just in your head.